its school school school...

I was back in school for the last 3 days. Its kinda "amazing" because it felt like I haven't been to school for the longest time. Even my friends were surprised when they saw me in lecture. And it always happens. They would go, "wow... you're actually in school." And my life seems to have changed a little, seems like I'm back to being a student. But in actual fact, I've always been... Just that... Sometimes I don't feel it. Even my friends don't feel it... :(

My exams are really approaching. The first paper in less than a month's time. Maybe a month is still sufficient to prepare for the examinations, but for a student like me who has skipped countless of classes, perpetually late, skips his class tests and does not do a single assignment, a month is a cause of worry. It does not add to my level of comfort when I do not understand much in the last 3 days of Econs revision. Still, the exams will come and somehow, someway, I have to at least pass them.

Whats comforting to know is that at least now, I have more time as the previous "commitments" that I had were called off. I'm sure God knows best. However, there is somekind of imbalance. I wonder what I'm really good at, what I can do, what I should do, what I want to do. Being in school and not understanding the lecturer really gives me a feeling of "lost", and honestly speaking, my mind tends to wonder too much. I no longer need to practice so much on the keyboard, no longer need to transcribe scores, no longer feel the stress in music. I've had more time to watch tv, hog the computer. Yet, ... its different... In any case, these 2 months should be fully dedicated to my studies.

I'm not in school after 3hrs of Econs. Totally drained and Maths lecture is at 7pm later. What I really feel like doing now is going home and play on my piano. However, time is a constraint. Drained from the lecture, I so do not feel like revising, thus the reason why I am blogging. And perhaps rambling away would take away some stress.

Maybe Diya is right... How much can I change? It can't be that I'll be a scholar one day right? Haha... I'll remember this for life man! But still, you never know man... Maybe I'll fall in love TOTALLY with a certain subject and do a PHD.

To Wendy... Maybe you need to be stressed up and find solace in your violin somehow. Like how I am now and wanting to head to my piano. But again, maybe its different cause I'm single and you're happily attached! Stiil, don't give up on your violin!

-LeB-